The Birthday Cake
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Ladies and Gentlemen.
Since time immemorial it has been the custom of many societies in many countries of the world to celebrate with joy and rejoicing the anniversary of the day of one's birth, and here in the United Kingdom we continue to observe this tradition even to this day. Birthdays are celebrated with gatherings such as this, with the giving of gifts, and the presentation and consumption of a Birthday Cake such as the one you see before you.
This cake, which is filled with the good things of life, the dried fruit of the vine, the cherry and the peel of citrus fruit, is in the form of an oblate cuboid, or parallelacakehedron, seven inches from North to South, seven inches between East and West, and two or more inches in depth, sufficient that all here may partake of it.
The whole is covered with an icing of the purest white, to represent the simple, pure joy of celebrating Dick's birthday. On the upper surface is a black and white pattern, which reminds us of dark and light, and the pattern of change in Dick's hair as he has progressed through this mortal coil. Around the edge of the pattern is an indented or tessellated border, of green and yellow, these being the colours available in a packet of ready made icing from Tesco's. Pendant to the corners of the cake are four Maple leaves, which are meant to represent that country which affords Dick his place of residence, namely Canada. They are of a rich red, that being the colour on the Canadian flag, and the colour of the autumn leaf that so graces the place where it lands.
In the centre of the cake is a Square and Compasses in the palest blue, the icing made and the colour mixed by the hand of my son, Alex. This points out an important facet of Dick's life, and the reason that we are gathered here from all parts of the Kingdom to celebrate and to share this cake.
In a triangular form arranged around the Square and Compasses are three small candles, which represent the fifty three years of Dick's life. Friends, before Dick extinguishes these lights to mark the passing of the years, and to prove that he still has plenty of puff in him, please join me in the traditional song used at times like this, Happy Birthday to You...